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Category Archives: laughter

How To Scare The Liver Out Of Your Pastor’s Wife

It was Tuesday night, and it was just the dog and I at home.  My family and I were originally planning on going to a revival meeting in San Jose, but I chose to stay home with our sick dog who had just been released from the hospital at 5:30 that evening. After taking care of some chores around the house, I was sitting on the couch taking care of some business on the computer and also texting back and forth with my younger sister. (multi-tasking – LOL) It was around 9:30 p.m. when suddenly, I heard our side gate open. It’s very easy to recognize the sound of our side gate, because the wood scrapes against the concrete pavement when you push it open. My heart gave a start, and I wondered who in the world would be coming through our gate and into our backyard.

Immediately, I looked over at the latch on the sliding glass door that leads out to the backyard and saw to my horror that it was in the unlocked position. I quickly got up, went to the door, slammed down the latch and pulled the drawstring to close the curtain that hangs over the door.  The dog was also barking about this time too, for which I was glad. “Maybe whoever is out there will hear her and get scared away.”, I thought to myself. I also remembered that our latch doesn’t always work properly, and sometimes it doesn’t lock on the first attempt. Swiftly, I pushed with all my might against the door handle in case it was still unlocked. That way, if someone tried to open it, they would feel the resistance and hopefully assume that that meant the door was locked.  As I stood there listening with my heart pounding, 2 Timothy 1:7 popped into my mind.  Mi corazon was still rapidly palpitating, but I silently thanked Jesus for reminding me of the verse. I tried not to make a sound and just listen, but what I heard puzzled me.

 It sounded like somebody was doing something with the water spigit which is right next to the door. It seemed kind of odd to me that somebody would be messing around with the water. It was definitely way too late for someone from Diablo Water District to be in the backyard, and why would they be back there anyway? The activity in the backyard probably only lasted a minute at the most. Then I heard the scraping sound of the gate again, and all was silent.(except for my heart, which sounded like lots of cannon booms in succession)I stood there probably about 3 minutes still braced against the door handle and wondering if I should let go. I finally let go and decided to text my sister. “Hey, could you pray for me? I just heard the side gate open and someone was in our backyard. I’m pretty sure they’re gone now, but that sure scared the liver out of me.” Questions came to my mind. Should I call the police? Should I call one of our neighbors? I was a little unarmed by the incident, but oddly enough, I wasn’t really worried. A couple of minutes later, I get a call from my daughter. “Mom, are you okay?” she asked.  “Yeah, why?” I replied. Now that was a stupid answer. Obviously she would not be calling now unless my sister had gotten ahold of her. She is very close to my sister.(her aunt) I explained to my daughter what happened, and my husband was talking in the background too and said that he was going to call our neighbor Bill to have him come check the backyard. I hung up with Jen, telling her I would call back in a few minutes. Bill came to the door with his flashlight, and we purused the yard together. As I looked around, I noticed the black hose was neatly coiled and reattached to the water spigit. I knew it was not there earlier, because I went to use it the day before and noticed it wasn’t there. At that time, I thought maybe my husband had taken the hose off to use it somewhere else. Anyhow, as I saw the hose there, I had a hunch. Someone from our church had borrowed our shop vac a couple of days ago, and maybe my husband had loaned them our hose too. I called my husband back, explained my hunch and asked him if anyone had borrowed our hose. He said, “No, not that I know of. Wait a minute, let me ask Paul.” I heard them talking in the background and Paul explaining that yes, someone from the church had been using the hose. My husband came back on the phone and said, “Let me call Bro. So and so to confirm and see if he did return the hose.” A few minutes later, the hubby calls me back. Bro. So and so’s kind, conscientious son decided to come over and return our hose, thinking that all of us had gone to San Jose. After all, my husband had announced the revival in church and opened it up to whoever wanted to go.

The neat thing about this whole scenario is that even though my heart accelerated during the incident, God brought the Scripture in 2 Timothy to my mind and also a message I had just heard at Pacific Coast Camp preached by Bro. Frazier entitled The Spirit Of Fear. Y’all that went to camp remember that one? If it wasn’t for those 2 things, I think I would have been way more unnerved and almost panicky. Thank God for His Word and for putting a little excitement and laughter into my evening! :lol:

 

When You Rearrange The Letters

My husband shared this with me recently, and I thought it was great, probably because I love words. Rearrange the letters of the following words or phrases to come up with new words.

DORMITORY = DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN = BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER = MOON STARER

DESPERATION = A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES = THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH = HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE = HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES = CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY = IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS = LIES-LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS = ALAS! NO MORE Z’S

A DECIMAL POINT = I M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES = THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO = TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE……………..

 

MOTHER-IN-LAW = HITLER WOMAN

If you have a mother-in-law, I hope this isn’t true. :-)

Have a good weekend, everyone!

 
3 Comments

Posted by on March 19, 2011 in just for fun, laughter, Uncategorized

 

A Watched Pot Never Boils?

Whoever said “a watched pot never boils” has never made peanut brittle!

The stuff boils and boils for a good 20 minutes before it is done, and then comes the fun part. You add a little butter, baking soda and salt to the mixture and stir like crazy. Then you rush around like a mad woman, spooning the mixture into pie tins as fast as you can so it does not burn, because it’s still cooking in that hot pot. The results – stronger arm muscles, a wonderful aroma that fills the air(providing you haven’t burned it) and something that makes a good fundraiser for the cooler autumn months. I have heard some firmly attest also that the golden streets of heaven are really going to be paved with peanut brittle. Sweet! :lol:

 

There’s Hope For Me!

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’m not the spoon either. :lol:

 
1 Comment

Posted by on August 29, 2010 in just for fun, laughter

 

I Hope You Break Out Today

“When happiness gets into your system, it’s bound to break out on your face.”

Unknown

 

I Fly Through The Church With The Greatest Of Ease….

There has been a whole lot of renovating going on at our church lately. We are in the process of getting ready to knock out a couple of pillars in the sanctuary to make room to install some pews. My husband and son were down at the church last night taping down this stuff on the carpet. I think it’s called Masonite board or something like that. I’m definitely a dumb blonde when it comes to things related to construction. Anyway, my daughter and I went down to the church last night to bring them something to eat. While we were there, Paul showed us how cool it was to be able to slide across the Masonite board in his socks. It kind of reminded me of the Slip and Slide (that ruined our grass)that we had when the kids were little. I told him I wouldn’t mind giving it a try, but I did not have any socks on my feet. He suggested a way I could try it – sit down on the board and he would push me across. I just had to try it, and Jen decided it would be one of those “Kodak moments” via my cell phone camera. Renovations can be kind of stressful, but it’s nice when in the midst of it all, your inner child can have a bit of fun. :-)

 
3 Comments

Posted by on April 14, 2010 in church, Family Time, just for fun, laughter

 

Surprise Party

Yesterday was a day I have been looking forward to for a long time. We had a surprise 50th birthday party for my sister Karen. It actually wasn’t a total surprise. She did kind of suspect that something was going to happen. Last year Karen threw 2 surprise parties for a couple of special people that were turning 50. One of them was her husband Mike, and the other one was my husband. There were a couple of things at this party though that were surprises for Karen. The first one was that my brother John and his family and my brother Bob were at the party. They were able to come via Skype(webcam). When Karen showed up at her son’s house and the door to the house was open Bob, John and his family were there on the computer screen yelling “surprise!”.

The second surprise was that Mike had arranged a week long trip for him and Karen to go to Hawaii. They are in Oahu now as I type and will spend a few days there and then go to the Big Island. One of the really fun things about this party is that each of us siblings put on a skit about something we remember from our childhood with Karen. It was hilarious acting those things out and reliving the memories. Playing Pin The Reading Glasses On The 50 Year Old was a hoot too. I’ll post some pictures below.

 

I’m Thankful Four – Day 3

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My mother – Mom turned 70 in August, and I am thankful that she is still around. I truly have been blessed with a wonderful mother and am thankful for the sacrifices she made for all of her kids over the years.  She taught me a lot just by having a good attitude about situations in life that were not pleasant and would have made others complain. I love you mom, and I’m glad you’re coming over for Thanksgiving!

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Our dog – Misty is a great little pooch. When I am at home, she is my shadow. She follows me down the stairs each morning and likes to sit in the recliner and be close by while I’m praying.  She is hilarious at Christmas time, for she loves to open gifts and has been caught snooping around the tree a time or two. All we have to do is put a gift on the floor in front of her, and she will savagely tear at it until it is open.  We certainly love our Misty pooch. :-)

3. Good health – The only times that I have stayed overnight in a hospital were when I was born and when I gave birth to my two children. I’m very thankful for that, because I don’t enjoy hospitals. I’ve heard the saying that “when you have your health, you have just about everything”. It should be “when you have a relationship with God and have your health, you have just about everything.  I’m thankful right now that I have both. (even though I am battling a cold as I write)

4. Laughter – The Bible says that “a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” I’m thankful I have some “good medicine” in my life , and  lot of it comes via my husband, son and daughter.(mostly my son) I don’t think it’s good to be too serious, and I have had times in my life where I start to spiral downward, because I’m consumed with life’s situations and not taking time to laugh and enjoy life. Thank you Lord, for the gift of laughter! :lol:

Okay, I’m going to tell you something that may surprise you. A couple of years ago, my husband and I were spending some leisure time with another pastor and his wife. The pastor’s wife and I were looking around in a quaint litte shop, when she came across a book which she picked up and began reading. She was laughing, so I came over to see what she was laughing about. The book she had picked up was entitled Walter The Farting Dog. I started reading it with her, and we were both standing there laughing hysterically. Flatulence can be inappropriate at times, but other times it is just plain funny. That book was a real gas. :-)

 
 

Happy 18th Birthday, Jennifer!

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This is a goofy picture that Jen took of herself on Sunday. It shows the fun loving side of her personality, and believe me, Jennifer likes to have fun! Jen, you are a joy to be around, and I always enjoy it when we can spend time together.  18 years ago, God gave me a precious gift when He gave me you.  It’s been wonderful watching you grow through every stage of your life, and I am proud of the fine young lady that you have become.  Happy 18th birthday, baby!

All my love,

Mom

*** If anybody wants to see some really nice pictures of Jen(taken by an awesome photographer) click here.

 

Craigslist Conundrum, Craigslist Celebration!

Craigslist is something else. You just never know what you might find on Craigslist. Early Saturday evening, we returned home from an absolutely fabulous church conference. I went to check our answering machine and noticed we had 45 messages. We were only gone 3 days, so that is a significant amount for our household. I listened to the first message which was a call for Pete concerning the 2 bedroom apartment in San Francisco for rent. “Huh?’ I wondered. The next 3 or 4 messages were basically the same thing of people inquiring about the 2 bedroom apartment for $1100 a month(a great deal in San Fran). My husband who was exhausted from our trip, had fallen asleep on the couch. I woke him up and told him about the messages we were getting on the answering machine. He hopped up and got on the computer, and sure enough, he found the ad on Craigslist. The ad has been removed, but we still do not know who placed it. We think it might be one of my husband’s preacher friends playing a joke.  :-)

Now for the rest of the story. That same evening, my husband came across a notice on Craigslist from a church that wanted to give away some pews. My husband was able to contact the person who only lives about an hour from here. Today, he went to see the pews. He called me all excited a little while ago. The pews are in excellent condition and look brand new. They are ours for the taking, and we’ll be taking them tomorrow morning. With these pews, we will be able to double our seating capacity. If we were to buy these pews, they would cost at least 10 grand, but we are getting them for free. Hallelujah! Once they are in our possession, I hope to be able to post some pics, but for right now, I just wanted to share this miracle.

Update – 8/25/09 p.m. – All 21 pews are stacked up in the church right now. We will need to get the anchoring hardware and contact a professional to get them installed correctly. I went down to the church and took a few pictures. I’m so excited and thankful for this wonderful blessing!

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