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Category Archives: colloquialisms

Here Come The Butterflies

butterflies

 I don’t know how they are going to do it, but come Friday morning about 9 a.m. these insects called butterflies are going to be inside Jennifer’s stomach.  I really can’t explain how they do it, but I know that they do get inside your insides, because they have been doing it to me for years.  Jen’s senior finals for Bible quizzing are beginning this day, and I know she will be a little nervous.  The butterflies always come to me when I’m nervous too.  It’s really an incredible phenomenon.  However, I know that Jen will do just fine. 

On the other hand, our going away the weekend for senior finals will mean that once again, Misty will have to do time in her “poochie penitentiary.”  (also known as the slammer) She’ll see the suitcases come Thursday, and once again, she’ll get that dejected look in her eyes of a dog that’s about to face solitary confinement.  If only she knew that we plan to make it up to her at the end of July by taking her with us when we go to campmeeting.  But alas, she lives only in the here and now and cannot anticipate the future. (except for her next meal, of course) If I could, I would assure Misty that just as Jen’s butterflies will eventually flee, so her weekend lockdown is only temporary.  Bible quizzing season is almost over!

 

Literal Larry

We have some many figures of speech and colloquialisms in this English language of ours.  A few years ago, I was thinking about this and how it could be confusing to little children.  I guess that lead into the idea for this story that I wrote.  At the time, I was reading a lot of Amelia Bedelia to my son, so I think that added more fuel to the fire.  I doubt this would ever be a best seller, but it was fun writing it.  Here it is.

Literal Larry and the Confusing Conversation

 

 

“Let’s all hop in the car and go to Aunt Rosa’s farm,” suggested Mr. Lenster.  “Okay

 

Dad!” responded young Larry.  Using all the strength he could muster, Larry yanked

 

open the door of the blue Pontiac, quickly scrambled in and began to hop up and down on

 

the floorboards.  “What in the world are you doing Larry? “ asked Dad in a bit of a raised

 

voice. “You need to stop that right now.”  “You said to hop in the car, Dad.”  Larry

 

replied innocently.  “I didn’t mean it literally, Larry,” answered Dad. “I just meant to get

 

in the car so we can go on our way.”  “Oh” was all that Larry could manage to say as he

 

moved to get into his booster seat.

 

Larry Lenster had learned a lot in his 3-½ years of life.  He knew his ABC’s.  He could

 

count to 20.  Thanks to the help of his 6-year-old neighbor Alicia, he could even do a

 

cartwheel!  He could follow instructions as long as they were simple ones.  He

 

understood when his dad said “No!” he meant “No!”  However, there was something he

 

didn’t understand that sometimes confused him.   He did not understand when grown ups

 

spoke using figures of speech.  Such expressions as “walking on thin ice”, “putting your

 

foot in your mouth”, or “hop in the car” (of course, now he understood what that meant)

 

really baffled his mind.  Although Larry’s parents did not realize it, they often used slang

 

or figurative language when they spoke to each other.  As a result, Larry did not

 

 understand half the things they said.  Such was the case on this particular day as Larry,

 

his 5 year old sister Aggie and his parents rode in the family car, headed for Aunt Rosa’s

 

farm which was 3 hours away.  The first half-hour of the trip was nothing unusual.  Dad

 

was busy driving.  Everyone else was busy looking out the window, so not too many

 

words were exchanged.  After a short period of seeing nothing but corn stalks on the

 

roadsides, Larry became sleepy.  His sister Aggie had already drifted into a peaceful

 

sleep.  He was just about to nod off when his mom asked his dad a question.  “Did you

 

hear that Wallace and Olivia are going to tie the knot?”  asked Mrs. Lenster.  Larry

 

perked up.  He knew Wallace and Olivia.  They went to his church.  Larry wondered why

 

they were going to tie a knot, but he was a quiet boy and a little on the shy side so he

 

didn’t ask.  He decided maybe their shoelaces were like his and never stayed tied more

 

than 5 minutes without a double knot.  “Oh, that’s great!” replied Mr. Lenster, “I know

 

Mrs. Baumhard (Olivia’s mother) will be pleased.  She was so afraid that Olivia would

 

become an old maid.”  Larry knew what a maid was.  His friend Teddy had a maid that

 

worked at his house.  He didn’t know Olivia was a maid too.  In his mind he could see

 

Olivia dressed like a maid, but she certainly wasn’t old.  Old was what Grandma looked

 

like.  Mrs. Lenster responded with, “Well, I’m happy for Wallace and Olivia.  They make

 

a fine match.”  “Wow!” thought Larry, “Olivia is a maid and she makes matches too!  So

 

does Wallace.  Daddy told me not to play with matches.  He said I might start a fire.  I

 

hope Wallace and Olivia don’t start a fire.  They better be careful!”  Larry was growing

 

more sleepy, but he still wanted to hear his parents talk about Wallace and Olivia.  Mr.

 

Lenster was speaking now.  “I’m not so sure about that.  Olivia is a real penny pincher,

 

but I’ve seen Wallace blow his money quite a few times. “    A puzzled look spread itself

 

across Larry’s face.  He could not understand why Olivia would want to pinch pennies. 

 

Did she not like money?  Larry remembered one time he got mad at Aggie and pinched

 

her.  He got himself in big trouble and never did it again.    He wondered how Wallace

 

blew his money.  Did he blow it with his mouth?  Maybe he used a hair dryer.  If Larry

 

could blow money, he knew that he would use a fan.  Then the money would blow far

 

and he could have lots of fun running and trying to catch it.   Mrs. Lenster interrupted

 

Larry’s thoughts as she made a comment.  “That may be so, but to Olivia, Wallace is a

 

knight in shining armor. He certainly has swept her off her feet!”  Larry had seen a suit of

 

armor at a museum just last week.  His daddy had explained to him what it was.  He was

 

excited to know that Wallace had one of those gleaming metal suits too.  He hoped

 

maybe Wallace would wear his suit to church sometime so he could see it. As for

 

sweeping Olivia off her feet, Larry couldn’t imagine why Wallace would want to do that. 

 

It seemed like a mean thing to do.  He wondered if Wallace had used a big push broom

 

like the one his dad kept in the garage.  Did Olivia fall down and get hurt when she was

 

swept off her feet?  Maybe she needed a Band-Aid.  Larry used Batman Band-Aids on his

 

owies.  “Olivia is a lady.  She probably uses the pink Band-Aids with ballerinas on them

 

like Aggie does.” Larry guessed.   Mr. Lenster was speaking now.  “ Well, I am happy for

 

them, but Olivia is quite a bit older than Wallace.  She’s really robbing the cradle.” At

 

this point, Larry was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open.  In addition to that, he

 

thought his dad had said that Olivia was rocking the cradle instead of robbing it.  He

 

knew what a cradle was.  Daddy had showed him the cradle Larry slept in when he was a

 

baby.  It was up in the attic.  Mama had sung the Rock-a-bye-baby lullaby many times, so

 

he was very familiar with cradle rocking.  In his mind he pictured Olivia slowly rocking

 

his cradle up in the attic, and this caused him to finally slink off into slumber in his

 

booster seat.  He never heard another word spoken on the subject of Wallace and Olivia,

 

but that was okay.  The confusing conversation of his parents had totally filled his mind

 

with all the ingredients of which wild dreams are made!

 
 
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